Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happy Halloween!

I love, love, love Halloween!  In honor of this spooky holiday, I'd like to discuss (and by discuss, I mean tell you what I think about) some of the main characters involved in this holiday.

Halloween Cast of Characters
Frankie does not seem very bright but for some reason, I think he seems kind of friendly.  Maybe it’s because he seems so simple-minded.  He also seems like a stereotypical “meathead.” I wouldn’t be surprised to find him in the weight room, deadlifting 400 pounds and drinking a protein shake.  I would recommend that he try Sun Warrior protein powder, but somehow I don’t think he’s interested in raw, vegan protein, even if it is delicious and nutritious.

Witches get a bad rap, I think.  First of all, maybe they wear all black because it’s chic and slimming?  Second of all, when they are throwing in their eyes of newt, frog legs and other random ingredients into the cauldron, have you ever considered that maybe they are being resourceful?  Maybe instead of being grossed out, we should applaud their ecological efforts to reduce, reuse and recycle.  Thirdly, if you had the ability to cast spells on people, wouldn’t you?  Granted, I do not want to have an evil spell ever put on me, but can you really blame a hag for using her god-given abilities?  Do you fault an artist for painting?  Lastly, don’t be scared of a witch just because she has hideous warts and bad skin.  Maybe she doesn’t have health insurance and couldn’t get an appointment with a dermatologist.

I like vampires.  Not the new-age, Twilight-y vampires that sparkle.  I’m talking the real, old-school Dracula –type vampires.  Or Interview with a Vampire bloodsuckers.  My only real issue with Drac is the accent… “I vant to suck your blood.”  I mean, c’mon, use a “W” every now and then.  Maybe see a speech therapist?  And if we are having a conversation one day, don’t keep staring at my neck.  My eyes are up here, buddy!

Skeletons are kind of awesome too.  I especially like dancing skeletons.  There’s something kind of fun about jangling bones, bopping around to some good music.  If I had a choice between being a ghost or a skeleton that could walk around, I would totally pick the skeleton.  My only worry is that dogs might try to chew on me.  Find your own bones Fido!  These bones are in use!

There are all different kinds of ghosts.  Some I respect and some I don’t.  Casper?  Kind of lame.  I mean, it’s great that he’s friendly but there’s something a little too goody-two-shoes about him, if you ask me.  Vengeful Ghosts?  Mixed feelings.  On one hand, I can respect that you are angry about something.  Maybe you were murdered or maybe someone moved into your haunted house and you do not want roommates right now.  On the other hand, let it go.  Every second spent being angry and holding a grudge is one less second you can spend being happy and floating around in paradise.  Prank-playing Ghosts?  I’m down with them.  I can appreciate a good prank or joke.  Like if I turn a corner and you jump out and say “BOO!”, well that’s kind of funny.  You got me, trickster, you got me.

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