Sunday, September 18, 2011

This Post is So Cliche!

"It's not you.  It's me."  This is probably one of the most common break-up phrases in existence.  Now, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is probably a lie.  It probably was you.  I know, that sounds totally harsh but keep in mind, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you.  I think you are great.  I'm just saying that the person who uttered those awful words to you, probably didn't mean them.  It's his/her loss anyway.  Like I said, I think you are totally awesome.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news."  Sometimes this is true.  But other times, with certain people, you KNOW they are getting sick enjoyment from telling you terrible things.  It's the whole "misery loves company" thing.  Those people kind of suck.

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."  This is another lie.  Most of the time, it's probably going to hurt you much, much more.

"Never say Never."  Sometimes, you probably should say never.  For instance, I am never going to murder someone.  I think that's a good thing that we should all say.  Or I am never going to do my laundry in the nude at the laundromat.  Again, I'm looking at everyone around me in this laundromat as I write this, and I really believe that everyone here should make that same pact.

"Money doesn't grow on trees."  Yes, it does.  Dollars are made of paper which comes from trees.  Coins don't grow on trees, so feel free to use this phrase as a template but say something like "Quarters don't grow on trees."

"Everything happens for a reason."  I actually believe this one.  I try not to say it too often to people though because it sounds so trite.  And in the moment, it really doesn't make many situations immediately better.  But still.  Everything really does happen for a reason.

"Mind your P's and Q's."  What is a P and Q????  What does it all mean, Bazzle? (Shout out to Cassie W!)

"The Bee's Knees"  This is supposed to be a compliment but I don't care for it one bit.  I hate bees.  I know I shouldn't say that, being an animal rights chickie and everything, but I have to be honest about that.  Bees sting you for practically no reason and that can hurt.  Plus, Killer Bees?!  WTF?  I shouldn't even have to defend my position of dislike for Killer Bees.  I'm not saying I want all bees to leave the planet.  I realize they are quite important to our ecosystem and we'll be up a creek without a paddle if they go extinct, but that doesn't mean I have to like them.  And it certainly doesn't mean I have to be compared to their knees.

"Up a creek without a paddle"  This doesn't seem that serious to me.  Creeks are typically fairly shallow and not very wide so conceivably, you'll probably be able to cross to the side without a paddle.  Or walk in the creek.  Or use your hands as a paddle.  Or find a stick to use as an oar.  Be resourceful.  Think like MacGyver.  Or MacGruber.

Peas and Love Guys and Dolls!


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