Thursday, September 22, 2011

Sonny's Replacement

So my car is broken.  As is my heart.  I LOVED my car.  Years ago when I worked at Ameristar, one of the "high rollers" asked what my dream car would be if anyone were to buy me a car and I unabashedly exclaimed "A black Pontiac Sunfire!".  A friend at the time had to tell me to think more expensively and offered suggestions like an Aston Martin but I stuck to my guns and the gentleman laughed at my meager dream.  When my car at the time was totaled a few months later, I began the search for another car and guess what I found.  A black Pontiac Sunfire!  With a sunroof!  I about died of happiness.  What can I say?  I'm a simple girl, with simple taste.  Plus, it was my first car that wasn't a hand-me-down from my family.  It was all mine.  Even 6 years later, I was/am still in love with that car.

Funny Memory Moment:  My sister Emily and I do this thing that we call "car rocking" wherein we basically turn up ridiculous music and play air guitar or air drums or really air any-kind-of-musical-instrument.  We sing, we make facial expressions and gestures.  Windows have to be rolled down as well so that others who may be nearby can hear the music as well.   It's really like a mobile music video.  So one time, we were driving through my parents' subdivision, rocking out as usual and we drove past some men working on motorcycles in front of a house.  They LOVED the show.  They clapped and cheered and laughs were had by all.  Maybe you had to be there but I promise, it was good times.  Macho men working on motorcycles clapping to girls singing along to B*Witched (a terrible girl group from the 90s... youtube a video... hysterically cheesy) is something you don't see everyday.

Anyway, now I have to get some new wheels.  Sonny (the Sunfire) needs to be replaced.  I'm currently driving a Dodge Dakota pickup truck until I find a suitable replacement.  Going from my little coupe to a pickup truck is a fairly huge change.  While I'm not opposed to the idea of them, I'm pretty sure I'm not a truck kind of girl.  Despite my willingness to wear a cowboy hat and listen to country music only while in the truck, it's just not the right fit for me.  Plus, I haven't found anything to haul yet and what good is a truck if you have nothing to haul?  It is Fall now though, so maybe I could start hauling hay bales.  Does anyone need me to transport hay bales for them?  Just let me know.  Or bushels of apples.  That seems like something I could haul.

Today, I saw a cargo van that was painted with zebra stripes.  That seems like something I could work with.  As I said on Facebook, I'd throw a hot pink shag carpet in the back and be ready to roll, like a pimp.  A friend suggested the addition of a disco ball, which is genius.  I'll probably need some beaded curtains to separate the cargo portion from the front portion as well.

Or I could go with Dane Cook's idea and drive around a cement mixer.  He was going to pad it and people could flop around in the back as it turned while he drove.  He also said he would throw Jolly Ranchers back there for his passengers to enjoy, but I would not do that.  It's not that I don't want you to have delicious treats while you roll around in the back of my mixer, it's more that Jolly Ranchers seem like a choking hazard if you are going to be flipping around.  That's a risk I'm not willing to take.  I'll throw something soft and healthy back there for you though.  Maybe one of my Not-So-Dumb Blondies that I made last night.  I don't think you'll choke on those but they were kind of gooey so clean up after yourselves.  I don't want your chocolaty fingers leaving smudges all over my cement mixer.

There's always those Smart Cars too.  Maybe I could get one of those.  You've probably never seen them because they are so small as to be almost invisible.  I could probably put one in my pocket.  I don't really like carrying things in my pocket but if I couldn't find a close parking space to wherever I'm going, that might be handy.  Also, since I can't parallel park, I could just lift it up and place it into a parking space.  I know, I should learn how to parallel park, but I keep forgetting until I need to use the skill.  During my test to get my license, we got to the end and she asked me to parallel park between the cones.  I'm an honest person so I just told her upfront that I didn't know how to do it and could I pass without it.  She said yes, so we just skipped it.

Perhaps I should become a Biker Babe and get a Harley.  I could tear up the streets with my biker gang.  I don't want to be one of those obnoxious bikers though that weaves in and out of traffic like a crazy fool.  I will be a polite and friendly biker.  Do you think any gangs will still take me?  I also refuse to wear a leather jacket.  I would wear a faux "leather" jacket though.  Is that acceptable?  And then there is the not-so-small matter of the helmet.  I don't really want to have helmet-hair all the time.  But no helmet is not an option so I guess that's a deal-breaker on the motorcycle.  No hog for this chick.

So keep your eyes peeled for me on the roads.  I'll be the girl driving in an animal print van, cement mixer or car the size of your thumb.  Or possibly a Honda Civic.  Just kidding about the Civic.

Peas and Love Fellow Road Warriors!


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