Wednesday, June 1, 2011


I'm pretty sure birds have been out to get me lately.  I'm feeling sort of threatened.  It started off with "gifts" left all over my car, literally everyday for about two weeks straight.  I looked around at other cars near mine and none ever seemed to get hit even remotely as much.  I understand that when a bird has to go, it has to go, but really?  Every time?  Over my car?  Unnecessary.

Next, I was about 5 minutes late to work one morning because a bird would not move out of my way when I was driving out of the driveway behind my apartment.  It was like a game of chicken that I was destined to lose.  I'm clearly not going to run over the bird so I just sat there in my car, watching this bird hang out and enjoy the morning in the middle of the lane.

A few days ago, I was walking out to my car in the top level of the garage at work and there was a goose sitting 2 lanes away, watching me as I got closer.  Now let me tell you.  Geese are not nice.  I know this from my time at UMSL.  There were geese everywhere and sometimes they chased or honked at you.  You never feel quite as dumb as when you are being chased or threatened by a goose.  Luckily, I made it in my car unscathed.  Today, while I was sitting outside eating lunch, I noticed a goose on top of the building.  I could practically feel his beady eyes burning into my soul.  It was very uncomfortable but I stayed out there, uneasily eating my delicious lunch (roasted brussels sprouts!  yum!).

This evening, I come home from the gym and what is standing right outside my door.  A bird.  It was a small bird but nevertheless, I'm not putting anything past this league of rapscallions.  I tried shooing it away but it just stared.  I tried making noise but it just stared.  I walked away and came back and still, it stared.  So I stood there and stared.  I literally laughed out loud at the predicament which seemed to startle the bird into movement and it left.  Seriously?!?!  Who else would this happen to?

I don't think that birds understand that they are taunting someone who is on their side.  For pete's sake, I consider myself an animal rights activist!  One time, I hopped out of a car at Forest Park, to save a rogue chick wandering around in the street.  Needless to say, it ran away from me and I can't say I blame it.  I looked slightly insane, waving around a plastic bag (to pick up the chick), running across lanes of traffic.  I tried explaining to the chick that I don't even eat chicken but I don't think that point sunk in b/c it still wanted nothing to do with me.  But it did get to the other side (and safely!).  Anyways, the point is that I try to save animals and this is how birds repay me?  Whatever, birds.  I still like you and all but you've lost some major cool points in my book.  Check your attitude at the door.  

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