Thursday, April 5, 2012


Well, I didn't win the Mega Millions Lottery last week.  I'm pretty surprised because I thought I had a really good chance.  Plus, I just had a feeling that I was going to win the jackpot.  Something must have been messing with my mojo though because I actually only won $3.  I double-checked my ticket b/c I thought there was an error, but nope, just $3.  I'm not complaining or anything (I bought 2 packs of gum with it), I'm just surprised, you know?  It's a good thing I didn't go on a spending spree in anticipation of my winnings (like buying 5 packs of gum or something).  I'd be up a creek without a paddle in that case... but I would have minty fresh breath, which is always nice.

Anyways, I got to thinking about what I would do if I became when I become a millionaire.  When I was younger (before I became jaded by work), I used to say that I wouldn't quit my job.  LIAR!  I would totally quit my job but I would at least give 2 weeks notice b/c I like my coworkers.  The following is what I would do with my newfound wealth.  Don't keep track of how much I'm spending.  It's quite likely

1.  The very first thing I would do is call my parents and offer them as much money as they would need in order to quit their jobs and live comfortably for the rest of their lives.  I have the best parents in the world and they deserve it.  My bratty, sullen teenage years alone should have earned them millions.

2.  I'd pay off all my bills (student loans and car payment).  This sounds totally boring but man, oh man, would it be awesome to not have any bills come in the mail.  Then, I wouldn't have to open my mailbox in fear.  I could be excited about mail, knowing that there was only going to be magazines, catalogs and the occasional greeting card waiting for me.  I LOVE catalogs and magazines.  I also love greeting cards but people don't send them very often anymore.  I get a birthday card from my grandma and grandpa (one year, they sent me one with a half-naked cowboy on it... awesome and hilarious) and I get a bunch of Christmas cards but it would be cool if people sent out random cards throughout the year.  Shoot me a message if you want my address to send me a card.  But please don't use that information to stalk me.  I don't want anyone lurking around in the bushes outside of my home.

3.  I love my little apartment but I guess it would make sense to buy a house, if only for the investment.  Mostly though, I would want a house so that I could install a doggy door so that I could get a dog.  I don't think my current landlord would want me to drill a hole into the door of my apartment.  So I guess I'd get a house.  I don't want anything too ostentatious though.  It only needs to have 3 pools and 2 tennis courts.

4.  I'm gonna save some animals!  I would donate some moolah to Five Acres Animal Shelter, which is in St. Charles.  It's a no-kill shelter that provides care and helps find homes for thousands of animals that need some love.  My wonderful sister-in-law is the Director and I'm not lying when I say she does amazing things for our furry friends.
     * Side note:  If you don't have a million dollars to donate, you can still help save animals by voting for Five Acres in Monsanto's "Grow St. Louis" contest.  I have no technology skills (bad blogger!) so I don't know how to make a fancy link that you can click on to go the page so I don't know if what I pasted below will work.  If it doesn't, please just go to Monsanto's website and click on the link to the contest.  You can vote once every day.  Please vote guys.  I will love you forever for it.  And I will owe you one.  One what?  I don't know but I will owe it to you.

Monsanto - Grow St. Louis - Five Acres Animal Shelter

5.  Now that I've done all kinds of responsible things with this money, I think it's prudent for me to go on a shopping spree.  I don't think I'm materialistic but I do like pretty things.  Shoes... clothes... home decor.  I'm not even saying I want to go to Rodeo Drive.  I'd be happy at Target, Anthropologie, Urban Outfitters and Home Goods.  I'm a simple girl, with simple-ish tastes.  I think style is important b/c it is an expression of who you are.  I'd also like to go into a bookstore and go nuts.  I'm a bookworm.  I say things like "Words are awesome" and "Books smell good."

6.  I would set up a recurring delivery for the following items each month so that I never run out of them:  PB2 (the most wonderful creation since the creation of the original PB), SunWarrior Protein Powder (chocolate), a case of gum (I'm a pack-a-day kind of girl) and cat treats (Fish gets angry and semi-violent when he runs out.  A happy Fish makes for a happy and unscratched Erica).

7.  I wanna go back to school so I'd enroll in SLU's Nutrition & Dietetics program.  I know I said I would quit my job (and I totally will) but that doesn't mean I don't wanna be productive.  I just want to do what I actually love which is help people get their arms around healthy nutrition.  Then I will start my own business for nutrition and personal training and since those services can be expensive sometimes, I'll be able to offer them for cheap b/c I wouldn't need the money as much.  Also, I'd kind of like to start a healthy cafe or at least be able to offer my healthy baked goods.  Or have a food truck!

8.  I would travel for at least 3 months.  I wanna go to London, France, Spain, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Italy and Africa.  I'd also bring someone with me for portions of those trips so get your passports ready.  But we are not always going to stay in really nice hotels.  I wanna backpack it for parts of the trip, even though I've seen the movie Hostel and I don't want to be abducted so that rich people can torture me.  New Zealand is evidently known for some of its extreme sports types of activities so get ready to jump off some buildings with me.  I've also heard that there are a lot of spiders in Australia and New Zealand so be prepared to be my official spider trapper.  You don't need to kill them but you will need to get them away from me before I pass out in fear.  I still remember some French from high school and college (Banana = anana, I think.  I've taken bananas out of my current diet so I don't know how helpful that is but I guess I could order them for you and I will eat something else.  How do you say Kale en francais?).  In Africa, we are going to go on a safari.  I'm going to wear a khaki vest and safari hat.  I'm also going to try to race cheetahs.  I'll probably let them win.  I wouldn't want to ruin their reputation as the fastest animals but we will both know the real truth.

9.  Lastly, I would buy you the following:  a house, furniture for your house, a car, love, a tree fort with a refrigerator, a faux fur coat, a llama or emu, a green dress, some art and a monkey.  Coincidently, these are the same things that the Barenaked Ladies would buy you if they had a million dollars.  #90smusicalreference

Peas and Love Fellow Millionaires!

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